A female reader, Petya, left me a comment on My husband spends too much money… or is it just me? The reader comment also had a link to her blog, and I was curious to check it out. Her most recent post was titled The art of spending (in two different points of view) , and it was about my post about my husband’s spending. Here’s what jumped at me the first time I read it:
Okay, not exactly what I was hoping to see :) But that’s okay, because when I wrote that piece, I did expect that most people would react like this.
Your Honor! The Defendant would like to say she admits to writing about her husband’s usage of liquid soap. However, The Defendant would like to point out that she did not voice her irritation at the time of The Liquid Soap Incident and kept her thoughts to herself. So we ask that the term “make a big deal” be re-assessed.
As for “exposing all these issues on the internet” and “putting in danger your relation[ship] with the loved one,” The Defendant would like to point out that she…
Oh screw that, I gotta speak in the first person.
I have a big rule about blogging: NEVER WRITE STUFF YOU CAN’T OWN UP TO. If something feels too personal for me to talk about in real life, then I sure won’t publish it online. That post about my husband’s spending had been sitting in my Drafts folder for maybe two weeks, ready to go, but I didn’t publish it. It felt wrong to share this with the internet when I hadn’t first talked to him about it (not about publishing but about how I felt). So I talked to him about how I felt and he knows about my dirty, secret crazy.
We’ve also had many little talks about what’s important to us financially and about the little spending choices we make every day. I’ve made a point to share with him how I feel, even if – especially if! – I’m uncomfortable about the topic. I think it’s much more healthy for our marriage if I show him that I am not perfect but that I’m working on it, instead of pretending to be perfect. I’d rather tell him I have an issue with (his) money spending and also that I’m working on it, instead of pretending everything’s fine and dandy.
And I don’t think “We should all take a moment to think about what we cause to the person next to us” because he has nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone is in the wrong here, I’d be the first to hang. :)
I realize that my ways seem odd to many of you. But that’s okay, because life’s not perfect and people are not perfect, and by sharing my odd views I make sure you can’t accuse me of leading you to think that real life is any kind of picture-perfect. Yeah so it bugs me to see my husband use more liquid soap than he needs to. And it bugs me when he takes the car when he can take the bus. And I’m sure it bugs him when I eat my leftover food even though he insists I should just throw it away and make a new batch. We are not perfect and our circumstances are not perfect, and it doesn’t matter one bit because we are happily in love :)
That’s what our marriage is like. That’s what our real life looks like.
And if you think that post was sharing too much… just wait till my next post when I’m showing you what our apartment looks like. Including the awful bathroom we have. Yeah baby!! :)