A female reader, Petya, left me a comment on My husband spends too much money… or is it just me? The reader comment also had a link to her blog, and I was curious to check it out. Her most recent post was titled The art of spending (in two different points of view) , and it was about my post about my husband’s spending. Here’s what jumped at me the first time I read it:
I’m 28 and my husband’s 35. We met a year ago. Six months later we moved in together, I got pregnant and we got married. Everything is great… except that I get angry each time my husband spends money.
For example, we’re at the store and he buys potato chips. He doesn’t need them. He’s not buying them because he’s hungry. He just “wants some.” Or he takes the car to work even though he has a buss pass. He doesn’t need to take the car. He just “doesn’t feel like taking the bus today.”
Now I don’t mind it when he spends money on buying a good jacket instead of a cheap Chinese-made model. And I didn’t mind it when we recently bought a pricy range hood for the kitchen – it was actually me who insisted on not getting the cheapest one.
So I don’t have a problem with him spending money on stuff that lasts. But I do have a problem with him wasting money on everyday perishables like snacks and drinks. (I can’t even call it “food” because, well, that’s not food.) And if we want to afford the quality items in clothes and appliances, we have to cut the spending on everyday junk. We shouldn’t take the car and spend money on gas when we have a buss pass. And we shouldn’t use a lot of water when we shower.
And by “we” of course I mean you, honey.
Right now, I work a nine-to-five. He works in shifts. Our time off doesn’t overlap a lot. We get a fairly decent pay and we make it work for now. But to be honest? At that rate, we’ll never be able to get ahead. We’ll be enslaved to our jobs for life.
We don’t have a problem with hard work. We know that startups take a lot of work – we each have had a failed try at starting a business – so we don’t mind working long hours. We’re doing it already at our jobs. But we think that having our own thing will let us work those long hours together and also pay more than a dayjob.
Is starting a business the only way to our goal of being together more? Let’s see.
When I was little, I thought we were very poor. There was this time when Barbie dolls were the hit – hey, their legs can bend! I thought this was so cool.
But Barbies were really expensive when they first came to Bulgaria. There was this girl that we used to play dolls with, *Jane*, and she had two or three Barbies. Her father was working abroad and that’s how they could afford it.
I didn’t have a Barbie doll. They were special. I had two or three other dolls but of the regular kind. They were nothing special.
I wanted to change my husband. Not in any huge way. He doesn’t have any horrible habits – blowing his paycheck on the ponies, sleeping with my relatives – that I needed to break him of. I wasn’t out to make him taller, or smarter, or sexier.
No, it was tweaking he needed, improvement of the usual marital kind.
What if, for instance, I could get him to do more around the house? Get him to adore doing dishes, relish handling the taxes? What if I could make him a masseur? A touch more patient and a tad more thoughtful – a little more prompt and a bit more cuddly?