Kill a Darling

Decapitated man with head in hand
Picture: Google, Decapitated man with head in hand

“Кill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little [..] heart, kill your darlings.”

This advice is well-known among writers (Stephen King, “On writing”), and it means to cut out all “extra” words from your text. To writers, each word is our own flesh and blood, a darling, and killing one hurts like hell. Oh yes it does.

The same applies to business. A start-up is made of ideas, the entrepreneurs’ own flesh and blood, their darlings. AND these “darlings” are supposed to make money.

But what if they don’t?

Killing a business-idea or prematurely ending a business-project – just because it’s not turning enough profit – is a tough-tough job. Yes, business is about money, but come on – your business is your baby! You’ve given it birth, nurtured it, held its infant hand while it took its first steps in the big scary world.


They say you should “do what you love”, so if you are starting a business, make it about something you’re passionate about.

You could of course start a business based on what others are passionate about: e.g., just because you don’t have a “thing” for photography doesn’t mean you can’t make good money selling cameras and equipment. Sure, in that case you’ll be missing out on fulfillment. Your competitors will have the advantage of using their passion as an accelerator – research, first-hand experience and knowledge come so much easier when you love what you do.

But it’s also so much harder when you have to “kill a darling”. Of course it is! How do you NOT get emotional if your business is your passion?

Well, you can be passionate about your business as a whole, but keep your eyes on the balance sheet. Sometimes you can get so carried away doing what you love that you actually FORGET to take care of the business side of things – you know, get the money?

Because if you’re not getting the money, how is your “business” different than a hobby?


I started a dance group for kids last August.

Daydreaming on the kitchen table, I thought I’d easily get a dozen kids just by putting a sign out. And in a couple of months, when we do our first performance and show how great we are, kids would stampede to our dance hall!

You know how many kids I actually started with? One.

And how many stampeded after our first performance? Zero. In the course of a year with several performances, their peak number never got beyond ten.

I should have taken the hint back in the first months – if kids were going to “stampede”, it should have happened early on. Reality kept sending me wake-up calls by anchoring my dance ship in the shallow numbers.

But who cares about wake-up calls if they’re living their dream? Me neither! So I kept hitting the snooze button: leave me alone, Reality! Let me enjoy my work!

I loved my work so much that it clouded my judgment. Dancing and working with kids are both about being emotional, so it was hard to keep a cold, hard, sharp business mind.

Speaking of being emotional… I remember this one rehearsal when I was expecting four kids for the dance lesson. So far it had been just me and the one single girl I had started with; then a group of three girls had come yesterday to see what we do, apparently liked it and wanted to join “us” (me and my one dancer).

Four kids is a joke for a dance group, but to me it was a major breakthrough. Four dancers look much better than one, and allow for at least some choreography. Sure, we didn’t have the power of numbers just yet, but now that there are four of them it’s only a matter of time before they become more!

I was so excited I didn’t sleep too well the night before.

Soon it was rehearsal time. My first dancer came in, then… nothing. The three new girls didn’t show up. I was telling myself that they are probably just late, but my heart knew better.

My one dancer was looking at me. The warm-up track blasting on felt as awkward as blowing a birthday whistle when none of your friends showed up at your party. I, the 26-year old, felt like crying. Please believe me when I say that it took ALL my willpower and skill to smile and act casual. I deserved an Oscar.

Why couldn’t I get more dancers? I jumped on the first obvious solution – the fee, and lowered it in half. This was tricky, because I had no idea whether the price was the problem, or something else. And once you lower it, raising it back up won’t score you popularity points.

I lucked out – apparently in my business, the fee was at least part of the problem, and lowering it brought me several dancers. (In many businesses, owners would prefer to get $100 from 1 client than 2 clients paying $50 each. But my case was reversed because I was fighting for numbers.)

I bought dancing outfits for them. Each outfit was tailored to one kid’s body measurements, and cost me three months’ fees. So each dancer had to stay with me for at least three months just so I could break even for the outfit; not to mention other costs and my time.

Speaking of time, I was killing myself with this. Having a full-time job, dance lessons (for adults) on weeknights, writing a blog and working on e-books left me a wreck by Friday night. And now I had the kids for a couple of hours each weekend (not counting the time needed to prepare music, choreography, performances and so on) – so I didn’t have even a single day off. I hung on, nevertheless.

Things were picking up, but sloooow, slow. It wasn’t bad enough to call it quits, yet it wasn’t really good enough to keep working on it. See, if I hadn’t been so involved emotionally, if I had taken a long hard business look at it, it would have been clear: “Кill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little [..] heart, kill your darlings.”

Instead, I kept at it, and paid out of pocket for things that kids should have bought themselves. I got so involved with the dance work that I often forgot to remind the kids about fees due. When one of them said she’d have to quit because her father lost his job, I let her come for free.

At the end, there wasn’t much of a financial reward (if any), but the emotional reward was huge. And the reason I could afford taking payments in good memories rather than money was because I didn’t rely on this little “business” gig to put food on my table.


You can get emotional or you can get paid.

I don’t mean that as in, “be a heartless dick and go after money at all costs”. I don’t mean that if a customer is late in payments because her husband just died you should choose between getting emotional or getting paid and terrorize the poor woman.

What I mean is: emotions don’t mix well with business, they cloud your judgment. While it’s great to do what you love, you need to stay sharp if you want to make a business out of it. After all, business is about serving others – that’s why they pay you. If others were serving you, you would be paying them.

It hurts to “kill your darling [idea]” because that proves others didn’t like it. If they had liked it, they would be paying and you wouldn’t have to kill it. But when others don’t like your ideas, it feels like they don’t like YOU, and it “breaks your egocentric little heart”.


If your business isn’t making money, that doesn’t necessarily mean that your idea was bad. You can’t grow bananas in the winter. Or in Alaska. Your business needs the right mix of time, place and circumstances:

Selling your wedding dress online was still a novel concept in 2004, when debuted, [owner] says. But when the economy tanked in 2008, the business “just exploded,” as the downturn “put a focus on frugality for everyone,” she says.

After huge initial investments (of time as well as money), shutting a business down is a tough call – even if we discount the emotional attachment. So why not ask your customers about modifying the business into something else? A clothes shop could become a thrift shop, a latino dance class can become aerobics, and maybe apples could become peaches.

“Modifying” is easier said than done, and it would probably require an additional investment of money and time. So what if modifying is simply not possible?

Then don’t throw good money after the bad. Kill it early to minimize both costs and emotional pain. (It’s easier to let go after three months and harder after three years.)

Try again later with the same idea, or try another idea.

Psychologist Barbara DeAngelis (relationships expert) says:

Having a healthy relationship with a person means loving him for who he is now, not [..] in hopes of who he will change into tomorrow.

Unlike a person, a business is all about what it could change into tomorrow; a “start small, get big” kind of thing. But I still like to keep Barbara’s quote in mind. You need to take a sober look at where your business is TODAY. Is it showing really promising signs for tomorrow? If so, great.

If not – perhaps it’s time to kill a darling?

Like that? Check all our stories in the archive.

16 thoughts on “Kill a Darling”

  1. изпуснала си едно много важно условие- не е имало нужда от школа по танци, решила си да правиш нещо, което можеш и ти харесва, без да провериш дали някой има интерес към това. Трябвало е да направиш някакво проучване, или малка рекламна кампания със залепени флаери и ако не дойдат хора на първите 3 тренировки спираш

  2. @Dude – абсолютно си прав че трябваше да спра по-рано. Колкото до предварителния интерес, там си частично прав – за някои неща е трудно да се прецени къде ще отидат преди да ги направиш на практика.

  3. Рая, на мен ми се струва странно, че не е имало интерес към народни танци. Първо, защото аз съм доста запалена, второ защото навсякъде има такива. Вероятно си имала конкуренция наблизо. Все пак ти се възхищавам, че си опитала да се занимаваш с нещо, което обичаш. Явно си доста упорит човек.

  4. Не беше за народни танци :) Благодаря за хубавите думи ;)

  5. Кой сега е ключа към успешния бизнес – да правим това което ни харесва, да правим това което харесва на другите, или и двете заедно?

    При всички положения курсовете по танци не са били излишни. Едва ли предпочиташ да си в ситуацията в която година по-късно все още се чудиш дали да ги започнеш или не. Опит не се гради вкъщи по цял ден на леглото пред телевизора, все пак. Просто отчиташ една голяма стъпка напред, без значение че носи грандиозни финансови печалби.

    Проклятието на бизнеса е, че е леден като айсберг. За постигане на финансов успех любовта към парите е за предпочитане пред всички други. И докато “успели” се наричат тези които обичат и поставят парите пред всичко друго, други съвсем естествено обичат и други неща. И в това няма нищо лошо, какво като може и да не носи печалби.

  6. Като работиш с деца е малко сложно да мислиш само в бизнес-насока :) И когато правиш нещо, което много много ти харесва и те радва ;)

  7. Супер статия с лични примери.

    От моя опит бих могъл да добавя, че е логично тези потребители да са силно чувствителни към цената. Децата са тези, които са силно емоционално обвързани със заниманието, но родителите им са тези, които плащат. За родителите е важна цената, защото е нямало как на този етап да видят качеството.

    Идеята да ивнестираш собствени пари в екипите е била много добра за запазване на вече привлечените клиенти и увеличаване на популярността. Лошото е, че това ти е гарантирало на практика поне 6 месеца да си на нулата, ако не и на загуба, дори и да имаш повече деца. От бизнес гледна точка е много дългосрочна инвестиция с висок риск.

    Поздрави за материала

  8. Съгласен съм с JDeel, че по-добре да опиташ, отколкото да се чудиш “какво би станало, ако…”. Аз мога само да кажа, че просто не е било времето и мястото точно за тази идея. Ти си получила една част от това, което си искала – хубавите емоции, а за да получиш и другата трябва да промениш нещо и да го направиш по друг начин. Ти не си се провалила, просто си намерила един начин по който няма да стане и така си по-близо до успеха.

    Ние сме в подобно положение. Само, че става въпрос за бизнес, който се развива от 16 години. Няма да е лесно, чисто психологически, да се прекрати, но ако нещата не се подобрят, ще трябва да дръпнем шалтера.

    Успех с новата визия и материали на сайта!

  9. И аз мисля, че главно времето и мястото не бяха точни. Няма да се учудя, ако след няколко години същата идея стане мега-популярна :) Благодаря за хубавите пожелания, Тони, ама да видим докъде ще я докарам :)

  10. Очаквай сериозна промянва от това как излизаш в Гугъл като ранкинг, след като почваш предимно на английски да пишеш.
    А и конкуренцията е огромна, но пък можеш да опиташ лека полека да се наместиш в тоя затворен кръг финансови блогъри, макар че някой от тях имат много мизерно мислене

  11. Мда… разчитам на по-голямата част от сегашната аудитория за поддръжка на трафика. Абе трудна работа ама да видим :)

  12. По-добрият вариант според мен е щом искаш да пишеш на английски, е да оставиш и българско съдържание в смисъл да има право човек на избор на език. Ето моят английски не е добър, и аз по никакъв начин не мога да разбера за какво става въпрос.

    И аз съм чувала, че английския е по-добре платен.Успех !

  13. @UFO – в началото на материала е качен превод :)

    Досегашното българското съдържание ще остане, но по принцип не мисля да пиша повече на български. Също и не мога да преведа всички досегашни материали на английски. Така че двуезичен сайт няма как да стане – нямам толкова време, нито сили :)

  14. Рая, харесва ми английския текст, но ще ми липсва стила ти на български. Въпреки това силно те подкрепям, защото мисля, че трябва повече хора да четат блога и книгите ти. Езикът не трябва да е бариера за това. Така че ти желая успех, влючително и финансов.

  15. Благодаря за разбирането, Теди! :) Дано всичко да е наред, защото да си призная малко ме е страх какво ще стане… Но, без риск няма напредък :)

  16. Аз съм студент в УНСС – 4-ти курс, сп. Икономика
    Намирам този и другите публикувани материали интересни, полезни за мен.
    Поздрави за идеята ти и труда вложен в нея! Прекрасен блог!
    Продължавай така!А аз продължавам да следя ;)
    Още веднъж поздрави и ти пожелавам успех :)

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